Happy New Year!!

Happy New Year!! It’s a little after 1:30 p.m. on January 1, 2009 !! and we’re sitting in the faithful old Café Del Sol enjoying some mellow time. Last night was fun, good times, good people, and pretty things. Noé and I got back from our afternoon dives in relatively good time. Fun dives too, just Noé and I flitting about checking things out. No uber-uber-cool sightings, but we did see the obligatory stingray, a couple of triggerfish, some cute little nudibranch, some clown fish and a pipefish. And for those of you who think Nemo is cute, NO MORE!! One of the clown fish attacked Noé!! It was actually quite hilarious. We decided to be a little more exploratory than the rest of the divers and on the second dive, we totally swam off the dive site. While out in the sea-ether, I found some clownfish on a tiny bit of coral. I shook my noisemaker to get Noé’s attention (no, not my ass….haven’t we had this conversation? A small rattle I attach to my BCD). While waiting for Noé to make his way over, the clownfish had been darting in my direction from their coral. So, I backed off a bit to give ‘em some room. Not intrepid Noé. He put his face right over them. AND THEN NEMO BIT HIS MASK!! Damn vicious Nemo. Lucky the little bugger is only 1 or so inches long!

Any way, back to Sunshine and a quick beer at Easy. And Noé and Célia bought me a present!!! So nice! A super-cool t-shirt that I wore out last night. While sitting at Easy though, I realize that I am starting to think I shouldn’t dive anymore until I get rid of this coughy thing (a little web diagnosis this morning …. always so reliable…. and I believe that I may have now developed a chest infection). Oddly, the cough and thick chest pain seemed to migrate into lancing pains into my shoulders. But what’s a little pain? No way I was going to let some stupid bronchial issues get in the way of the world celebrating my birthday.

So, pop home, drug up and have a twenty-minute or so snooze. Then we were off for Indian with Scott, James, Noé, Célia and Julia. Good times and good food. Everyone is sufficiently stuffed and then we popped down to the Ban’s bar for midnight celebrations. Everyone that hadn’t come for Indian was there too. So we set up a Sunshine table and all of the cool kids come over to hang out at our table and wish me Happy Birthday. OK, and some of them said Happy New Year, but we all know it, they were mostly there to wish me Happy Birthday. The world does revolve around me after all!

Tim and Natalie turn up two, no maybe eight sheets to the wind. They had bought a floating lantern. It is a Thai tradition to light a big flaming ring underneath a big paper-lantern. Once the inside gets hot enough, they release it on the beach and it floats off over the ocean. Probably not the most environmentally friendly thing, but very romantic. So then the missus and I bought too and sent one off into the horizon. I didn’t get any pictures of this, but there had to have been a few hundred of these things flying away. We didn’t take the camera, alas, an oversight on our part. Very very pretty though.

Then the Thai’s decided to try and kill the pharang. We were standing in a group of about 10 or 15 of us and the countdown starts. We all hug, wish each other a Happy New Year and there’s a genuine feeling of love floating around, so sweet….when BOOM. They set of about a million bloody firecrackers on a sign that is maybe about three feet away. No warning, no “please step back a little”, nothing. Panic kicks in and there are a bunch of pharang who had been standing to close to the sign running like hell and getting pelted with little bits of flaming paper. Damn. It was loud and a tad painful for a few seconds. We all laugh a minute later, but a small warning would have been nice. But why stop there? 20 seconds later, they launch a firework rocket literally right behind our group. Again, screams and bodies running as we feel the heat and the whoosh of the rocket going up. Defensive positions!! We huddle in our group facing outwards now ever-ready for the next attack. Crazy damn Thais.

It was a fun night, but with my chest issues and feeling a little tipsy, I was good…..we headed home about 12:30 and tried to pass out. I had a good birthday, but damn if the night wasn’t a piece of shit. Some half-moon, castle, full-moon, bollocks load of crazy-ass loud whooompf-whooompf, I-can-prove-my-base-is-bigger-than-your-base sound system was pounding away ALL night. And my chest issue progressively worsened overnight. So I slept no more than about 15-20 minutes at a time. Even at 9 a.m. this morning the boom-boom sound system was still hard at it. I have to admit, I felt like hell had actually frozen over this time…my body was aching, my shoulders were screaming in agony, I couldn’t stop coughing, my head was pounding and all I could hear was the beat of some shit dance music. I now hate dance music. Seriously? All night? Wankers. What I really don’t get is that it pissed it down all morning too…..who the hell would have been partying in this weather?

But!!!! I did have a good birthday, so that’s all that matters.

Finally surfaced from Chez Chris at about 11:30 this morning. Wait for a break in the rain and jump on the moped to head down to Mae Haad. The break didn’t quite last long enough. We got positively drenched. It is now a couple of hours later and my t-shirt and shorts are still sodden. Ah well, dry-off time.

We’re just going to take it easy for the rest of the day. Maybe watch some movies, maybe book in a couple of appointments at the fancy spa on the island for a little more pampering…..Hey I deserve it!! I just got older AND I am feeling all sorry for myself….anyway, just chillaxing. I think no diving for another couple of days. At some point in the very near future, however, I have to jump back in….I need one more dive before the IDC that starts on the 8th!!

Anyway, for those of you still out partying on the far side of the world and for those of you waking up in a few hours from now, HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! Welcome to 2009…..I have good feelings for this year. In fact, I think this is Peter’s and my year to shine!! Go Toronto Scuba Club!!

Happy Birthday to Me

What do I want for my birthday? World Peace!! Well, I’d settle for feeling less shitty. Body aches like the missus took a baseball bat to it again. After trying to break my fever last night, I dozed off in a pleasantly medicated state. But, I thought sleeping tablets are intended to knock your lights out for a number of hours. I wake continuously throughout the night. The kicker comes in the morning. I wake up and cough, a nice-deep-throat full-of-chewy-goodness kind of cough that then sends a shooting pain lancing across my entire upper torso. If feels a little like it might if a horse just stepped on my chest. Happy freaking birthday, sucka.

And then I doze off again to be awoken by some heavy base playing somewhere in the neighbourhood? Seriously, who kicks off the rave music at 8a.m. on a Wednesday morning, even if it is New Year’s Eve? Freaks!! Well, the missus and I are now stirring awake and the chest pains continue, nicely exacerbated by the pieces of lung I am occasionally hacking up. Ahhh well, it is my Birthday!!! And the missus and I are on a tropical island on a lovely sunny day…….oh……it ain’t sunny. In fact there is a tropical deluge occurring all morning. Grey clouds, rain, the continual thump-thump of a sound system somewhere and I feel like crap.

Happy happy birthday.

I am not going to let the fuckers get the better of me. It’s my birthday, goddammit and I know there are millions of people out there quite ready to celebrate it with me. So, I am ignoring the pain, we’re out for brunch, rain or shine, I am still going diving this afternoon and I am going to party hardy tonight….shit, on the drugs I am on, the booze may make this a whole other kind of drunk!! Honey, hold my hair back….ooops, I had it shorn off two weeks ago. Anyway…..party time.

I think I may start as soon as we hit dry land from the dives this afternoon….dry being relative of course.

If I have the hangover I am anticipating, see you all on Friday (my time that is).

Peace and love, mothertruckers, peace and love.

Holy crap...not another short post

So, what's going on with all of these short posts? Well, unfortunately right now I feel like a bag of crap warmed up. Yep, the day before my birthday. I thought I was kicking this bloody cold and then boom, get back from Koh Phanang and I start shaking, getting incredibly cold, light-headed and achy all over.

And get this!!! We made it back to Koh Tao with no ferry-puking incidents!! Both of us slept for the majority of the trip (which took about 2 1/2 hours). So we're feeling good, we're back in one piece and all seems well. I even called Noe and Celia to see if they wanted to go out for Indian. Luckily they already had dinner planned, because not less than 20 minutes later it whacked me and I was down for the count.

Not sure if it is a 24 hour flu, a development of the cold or what. I feel like shit though. And I am a man. You know what that means. If you don't please follow this link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IsvWK_EedLU . Now you understand. It's bad.

Anyway, we managed to get my arse out for a little bite to eat. We're going to Chez Chris now, so that I can mope and then take some of the lovely prescription strength drugs you can get by just walking into a pharmacy here. Strong shit to knock the crap out of this grossness. I'm mixing in a sublingual sleeping tablet I got on prescription back home too for measure. Go Junkie Chris, Go!!

If Lee can't wake me in the morning, I'll get her to comment on this blog so you can all know my intensive care status....

Fingers crossed I can get rat-arsed on my birthday!!

Slow-boat to China (ok, Koh Tao, same same, but different)

Short blog because I hope to get on again this afternoon/early evening……..waiting for the ferry back to Koh Tao (oh pukey-pukey fun yet again), which has been slightly delayed and is running an hour behind.

Oh, and people keep bugging me about pictures, so shut-up already, here are a few more of Koh Phanang (try and spot me in a gloriously gay pose)......

Not much to report since yesterday evening. Took it super-easy and didn’t even go out for dinner!! Ordered room service instead…..yep, crazy lazy and proud of it!! Watched a couple of movies in the last two days: that De Niro and Pacino movie (Righteous Kill?), Pineapple Express, Eastern Promises, some Indian movie about a couple and their kids from India in New York and Star Trek Insurrection. Nothing great about any of them!! Ok, Pineapple Express had some humourous moments, but overall? 4 out of 10. The Indian one? So long, I lost interest, but maybe marginally better….5 out of 10. Eastern Promises and Righteous Kill ….3’s out of 10 and ok…..seriously bad and majorly cheesy, perhaps the worst ever Trek film and that is saying something….Insurrection….1 out of 10.

Now in Thongsala, the port on Koh Phanang killing time.

Back in Koh Tao in time for New Year’s Eve! Partayyyyyyyyy Hey!!!! It’s also my birthday tomorrow!! Trying to figure out what to do for the day! No idea yet. Any suggestions? So far, all that I have planned is two afternoon dives. Not so sure I want to drink myself out of my tree…..could possibly be persuaded otherwise though….guess we’ll have to see how things shake out….

Seriously? Any suggestions? I turn a very old 35 tomorrow and I have no clue how I want to celebrate this somewhat insignificant milestone. Well not so insignificant, I guess, I imagine there are a fair few people wondering how I even made it this far……

A climb and a fall....

So, it had to happen eventually. We all knew it was simply a matter of when. You see, the missus has this unnatural ability to get bumps and scrapes no matter where she is when she travels. Every trip has some story or other of the missus, getting ill, being bitten by snakes, falling and bouncing around and so on. Well, today it happened. Here’s a picture of her injury…..

You see, today we decided to go for a bit of a hike. Enough sitting around by the pool letting our days float by in this Paradise Alike (the moniker the resort gives itself), we were out to explore!

We were informed before we got here that there are some awesome waterfalls on the island, so we decided that we would head off to see on or two of them. The discovery made is that this island is bloody hilly and the roads are not in good shape at all. We thought the hotel might offer to give us a ride there, but luxury or not, we were shit out of luck (the language barrier may have been a significant factor).

So, off we trek with some rudimentary directions on how to reach the closest waterfall, into the hills…..damn, it was hot and sweaty. Good exercise, I suppose, but the entire way there was an uphill struggle with vehicles skewing all around us on the loamy mud tracks that pass as the road here.

Turns out the directions were fairly good, just not very well communicated. We trek uphill non-stop for 30-40 minutes before we determine that there is simply no way that the waterfall could have been this far away. So we backtrack. Eventually we find the waterfall….it is actually only about 10 minutes away from the resort grounds. Great….by this time I am a sweat-sodden mess and just as we are approaching the road down to the waterfall, the missus’ feet slip out from under her. In one of her usual slow-mo catastrophic falls, she lands on her bum, but not before skinning her knee and a couple of her toes….

We soldier on, dammit, by this time we are determined to see this damn waterfall….with the missus gritting her teeth against the searing pain and me wiping rivers of sweat from my eyes, we finally reach the objective….oh how sweet the success…oh glorious waterfall:

Ok, not so much, but fuck it, we made it!

Last day in paradise, so we bum around on the beach for the rest of the afternoon and hang out by the pool. Hey, we deserved the rest….it was a tough morning!!

Hmmmm, what else did we get up to today? Reading, studying PADI materials, eating, drinking and getting tipsy during happy hour, lying on our patio……hmmmmm yeah, that’s about it.

Tomorrow we’re heading back to the Tao…..let’s hope the missus is good for the return leg…….

Chillaxing in Koh Phanang

Ahhhhh, it’s a rough life. Sitting here on the balcony outside of our luxurious room (and I do mean luxurious….there is an awesome amazing hot shower, a gargantuan bathtub with pillows, a bed that was made for an average-sized elephant – hush, I’ve lost a lot of weight!! -, tv/dvd, wifi IN THE ROOM – you have no idea how much that means to me….gods, not having to make time to get down to a café is so damn nice….a mini-bar with prices that are 10 baht more than the restaurants …so like $0.35, making it an easy choice to reach for that Singha….a/c, room service….anyway you get the picture) and looking out across the bay here. It simply is idyllic. The sun is gradually peeking through the fluffy clouds, the two headlands are glimmering against the emerald sea with faint sand bars visible off in the distance. Our room is perched slightly up on a hill giving us just the most stunning vistas. This really is paradise. Chez Chris seems a long way away. Hmmmm…some pictures of our little slice of heaven, perhaps to help you all visualize.…..

And to top it off, our journey here was good!! The missus didn’t have any puking incidents on the ferry over (can’t say the same for the poor lady next to us, she heaved and hurled before we even left port and then kept up the slurpy-slurp rhapsody the entire trip) and we had a little walk around the main port while we waited for our taxi to the resort. Ok, the resort van-trip to the resort was a bit of a harrowing experience (the van was fish-tailing down steep jungle roads despite the driver taking every precaution), but it was fun nonetheless….kind of like a jungle-adventure ride.

Saw some cool potential side-trips for tomorrow too, elephant rides, monkey tours and there are apparently some über-cool waterfalls to be seen on the island. We have to do SOMETHING tomorrow, today we laid by the pool ALL day. We’re just back in the room at almost 4 p.m. after leaving at 10:00 a.m. and eating and reading and sun-worshipping.

This of course is partly the hotel’s fault….the hotel itself is very pamperific….little tiny vans to get us to and from various parts (although we’ve chosen to walk instead….yay being healthy!), Thai staff who keep bowing to us all the time (I always knew there was someplace where someone respected me ….. or is it the almighty dollar? Ah well, I can pretend they are kowtowing to me in particular…at least for another day), beautiful infinity pool with little people bringing us drinks and food and now shortly we are off for some spa pampering to boot. After finally settling into Koh Tao life, this is too much. Going back is going to be hard all over again….

Having said all that, it seems that the missus has recovered from her travel travesty….but just so you know how it ended, here is Part 2 of the guest blog:

To Koh Tao via the Gates of Hell (Part 2): The “empty” Reunion

It’s me again, the Missus. Unfortunately, the second half of my journey was not much better than the first. I left off still trying to get out of Vancouver. I was not alone in my attempts to get out of Vancouver. There were several thousand passengers stranded at the airport who were looking to re-book their flights. At 11pm, Air Canada decided that they would shut down for the night and stop helping stranded passengers. Other airlines like WestJet stayed open all night to re-book people. Once Air Canada came back to work, one person showed up to re-booked thousands of passengers. It was total chaos.

As so many flights were cancelled, it was impossible to get a hotel room. I “slept” on the floor of the airport in the re-booking line in front of a door that opened every 30 seconds. There was a windchill of –20. I slept with some really nice people who made the time pass a little quicker. By sleep, I mean climb in to a small grey plastic container that they put luggage into and try to conserve body heat. I don’t know the names of the people that I slept with that night, but I hope they made it to their destinations for Christmas. I’d sleep with them again anytime!

Before dawn, Air Canada had actually re-booked our flight to leave at 8:20am. I got a new boarding pass and hoped that my luggage would make it back on to the plane. How can things get worse you ask? Look away Stone! I could not hold off going to the washroom any longer. I sucked it up and went. I actually felt better as I had a stomach ache from holding it in so long (I don’t like to go in public places). As soon as I went, I felt relief, until I looked over and realized that there was no toilet paper. What could be worse than sleeping in your clothes on the floor of the airport, which you then have to wear for the next 20 hours? I’ll tell you what. Do that and then realize that your clothes just got a whole lot worse due to a lack of toilet paper! I had to wait until someone came into the stall next to me who would spare a square. I wanted to die.

Needless to say, we didn’t board the plane until 10:30am and didn’t actually take off until 1pm (which meant another 2.5 hours on the runway). And then we were off. If we weren’t strapped in, there would have been a standing ovation.

My flight to Bangkok went smoothly. When I arrived in Bangkok, I had to re-book my flight to Samui for the next morning where I would then catch the ferry to Koh Tao. As luck would have it, I arrived at the Bangkok Airways desk 5 minutes after it closed for the night. Nice. I now had no flight to Samui (as I obviously missed my connecting flight) and only a short window of time in the morning to be able to make the ferry to Koh Tao.

My choice was to get a good night’s sleep and risk not making the ferry or get to the airport early and see if I could get an early flight. After feeling sorry for myself for a while, I decided that I could sleep when I’m dead and I got up at 6am to head to the airport. However, I felt rejuvenated after a couple hours sleep and a hot shower. I even shaved my legs!

I was able to secure an early morning flight, which got me to Samui in time for the 12:30 ferry to Koh Tao. Because I missed all of my connecting flights and ferry, I no longer had a reservation for the ferry. It was packed. They put me on standby. I was so close to my destination, but yet another roadblock. I think the woman at the ferry took pity on me after seeing the look on my face and snuck me on the ferry even though it was technically full.

It’s Christmas Eve and I’m on the ferry!! I will make it to see Chris by Christmas!

For those that know me, they know that seasickness is one of my many weaknesses. I took Gravol in an effort to stave off the inevitable. I made it to the first island without incident. I called Chris and told him that I felt good and that I’d be there soon! I was so excited. And then the Gates of Hell swallowed me whole. I have never been more seasick in my life! It took 2.5 hours to go a 1 hour ferry ride. I filled three bags with bile (I didn’t eat before I left knowing that I might see it again) and dry heaved for what seemed like an eternity. I really wanted to die. I meant it this time!

When I finally saw Chris, I couldn’t even hug him because I thought I would throw up on him. I’m sure he wasn’t too eager to hug me either as I was a nice shade of green and smelt like puke. Nice. I drank some water on dry land. That stayed down until I made the 5 minute journey to Chez Chris. The first thing I did when I walked in was throw up the water that I just drank. It was not the reunion that I had been dreaming of. Chris put me to bed and he went out for Christmas Eve drinks alone. Merry f@%$ing Christmas…

To Koh Tao via the Gates of Hell (Part 1): The plight of the Toaster

OK, so the missus and I are about to catch a ferry to Koh Phanang for a few days of Rancho Relaxo.....I am praying she isn't pukey-McPukerson, so all of you cross your fingers for luck. And I get another holiday today!! The missus wanted to relate her journey here to all of you....so guest blogger, please, after you......

Hello, the missus here. Writing a guest blog detailing my (mis)adventures which ultimately ended me in Koh Tao. As my plight was long, I have decided to write the blog in two parts.

My journey started simply enough. After much worry, I determined that I was actually able to leave work and make the trek to Thailand. I was so excited! After more than a month without Chris (yes, the silence was almost deafening), we were going to be reunited for three weeks in paradise.

Unfortunately for me, my torture began before I ever left Toronto.

I had to drop Bailey off at the kennel. I budgeted 2-3 hours to do this as it is outside of Toronto. Much to my dismay, it took me over 4 hours. And it’s not like I could abandon the task midway through. I couldn’t drop the poor little bugger on the side of the road for three weeks nor leave her with $20 and a bus pass in Toronto. Once I started the journey, I had to see it through.

After driving at lightening speed back to Toronto until the gas light went on and the traffic came to a screeching halt, I arrived back at home at 7:30pm and had not yet begun to pack. My cab was scheduled to come at 8:00pm to take me to the airport. On the way home, I mentally packed so that I just had to run into the house and put everything in motion.

You would think that running into my own home would be without incident. Wrong! When I pulled up to the house, I noticed that there were strangers in my house. They did not expect me any more than I expected them. I obviously knew that friends’ parents were staying in our house while I was away but I didn’t expect them to arrive before I actually left. Don’t get me wrong, they turned out to be lovely people but it was a little weird. It also wasn’t like I had time to sit and chat. They probably thought that I was completely nuts as I literally ran around the house throwing things in a suitcase.

Because of the crappy weather across the country, I had left the computer on that afternoon so that I could check to make sure that my flight was on time. It was scheduled to leave at 11pm. However, when I punched in my flight number, it told me that my flight to Vancouver left at 5pm!!! At first I thought, “Come on, only Heather could screw up the flight time that badly!” It took me several frantic minutes to realize that I inadvertently punched in AC 115, instead of AC 151. What are the chances that both flights were to Vancouver?!? Once I checked the actual flight, it said that it was on time.

I managed to make it to the airport in time. It wasn’t until after I left home that I began to realize all the things that I had forgotten to pack. The one thing that I knew for sure was that I had Chris’ toaster. God help me if I forgot that. Who needs a razor and headphones for their Ipod when they have a toaster and maple syrup!?!

My adventures really began upon my arrival in Vancouver. After spending an hour on hold with Air Canada the day before (after reading a travel advisory about the weather in Vancouver), I was assured that the international flights out of Vancouver would not be affected. Liars!! I arrived late in to Vancouver as we had to circle so that they could plough the runway. I made it to my hotel at 3:30am (6:30am Toronto time) and fell into bed. After a short sleep and a decent breakfast, I was again assured by Air Canada that my flight was on time.

I checked in at the airport and waited at the gate. The snow was coming down pretty hard but we boarded on time. I emailed Chris to tell him that it looked like things were going to work out after all!! Air Canada wouldn’t let me down, would they??

We boarded the plane and that’s where we sat for the next 9 hours!!! There is not a lot that I would enjoy doing for 9 hours straight and I can assure you that sitting in an airplane on the tarmac isn’t one of them. I can actually think of few things that I would enjoy less.

We were given all kinds of excuses for not taking off. First the baggage elevator broke down, then we supposedly had to wait our turn to be de-iced. Then, the de-icer broke down. After 5 hours, we had to switch flight crews because they are only allowed to work 20 hours in a row and the flight itself was going to be 15 hours. Then the airport decided that they were only able to plough the short runway, which meant that they had to dump our luggage. We had a choice, fly without our luggage and hope it catches up with you or don’t fly at all. At that point, I figured the toaster was doomed. Even if it made it to Bangkok, there was no way that it would find its way to Koh Tao. However, Chris assured me that it was more important for me to get to Koh Tao than the toaster. I called “bullshit” but stayed on the plane anyway.

Then they decided we were still too heavy for the short runway. They started randomly taking passengers off. I thought that I was lucky that I was not one of them. At about hour 8, we were apparently second in line to de-ice the plane. The next announcement ended it all. They advised us that the snowploughs had knocked out the lights on the runway. Apparently, no one told them that diving a snowplough drunk was a bad idea. How else could you possibly plough through those huge lights that they use to land planes if you weren’t intoxicated?!?
They cancelled our flight at about 10pm. We had boarded at 1pm. Awesome. Nothing like a little torture before your ultimate imprisonment…. [stay tuned for Part 2]…………

Merry Christmas in the West!

Merry Christmas again!!! For those of you not in this part of the world, the last few hours of your Felish Natal are drawing to a close. The missus and I hope you had a pleasurable and joy-filled Christmas, no matter where you spent it.

For us, it is now Boxing Day and we are mellowing out in the morning hours. A quick call from the missus’ brood in Tex-arse and a chance to use my toaster!! Oh joy!! Multi-grain toast and peanut butter!! Bought local jam though…..I think the only thing strawberry about it is the artificial colouring in it……blech…..ahhh well, mix it in with peanut butter and bananas and the world is all good.

Only a short blog today (no seriously) because I am about to let the mystery guest blogger online, she may not post her blog today, but it is coming soon……this may take more than one guest appearance though…..I think she has a lot to say.

I will just put a big shout out to Noé and Célia for an insanely well-done and wonderful Christmas dinner. It truly was awesome…..the only time that I have had five or six courses that finished the meal at about 1 a.m. But very good cooking.

And there were Christmas presents!! I got Célia a new pair of flip-flops to replace the ones that got broken at the crazy golf and a new compact mirror to replace the one that got a crack in the middle when I accidentally knocked it to the floor a couple of weeks back. I know, more replacements than Christmas pressies, but hey, these were quality items too!! Noé got a dive torch/flashlight, so now he can stop stealing mine!! And the pair of them got some maple syrup and Green & Black’s organic 70% cocoa chocolate. They seemed pleased!!

Good people too….all twelve of us….it was festive and giving in the true meaning of the season ….. ah, a warm glow infused us all…..no, not a toot, a feeling of peace and love!!

Out on the afternoon boat today…..yes, abandoning the missus….but I am so close to 100 dives (something I need in order to start the IDC)….only five more to go, three after today. She’s just going to chillax.

Off to Koh Phanang tomorrow to take it super-super-easy for a few days…..I hope they have internet there, but I am taking the lap-top to be sure…

Have fun you crazy Christmas cats!!

Love to all during these festive days. Happy mid-Hannukah too!!

Merry Christmas!! Peace on earth to all Divers and other people.

Merry Christmas!!! Many of you will likely not read this until tomorrow morning, by which time it truly will be Christmas time!! Here it is almost midday. The missus is off having a pedicure and I have an hour or so to chill, so you lucky buggers get a wee Christmas blog.

The missus arrived at about 4:40 p.m. yesterday after what can only be described as a horrendous trip here. She will likely post a guest blog tomorrow to let you all know the intricacies of her trip from hell, but it took about four days to get here.

I felt so bad her when she finally did get here. She had called me as the ferry was leaving Koh Phanang (the island before the ferry gets to Koh Tao) and told me she was actually feeling good. The missus is not known for her sea-faring abilities. She had taken a sea-sickness tablet though and was fine. This was at 2:00 p.m.ish. The ferry didn’t get in for another two hours and forty minutes. She was a slightly light-green tinged looking when she finally disembarked and had filled three bags of puke on the last leg of her trip.

We were supposed to go to Sunshine for staff drinks at 5:00 p.m. Not surprisingly, I went alone. Much to the surprise of my colleagues, for they all expected to meet the missus at last. Instead, she was tucked up in the fitted sheet with a fan gently blowing her to sleep. After puking one more time that is.

I pop back at 7 to see how the missus is doing…..she’s perked up a little, not a lot, but enough to leave the apartment. We take a little easy ride around the island, grab a fairly safe food option (pasta for her and pizza for me) and then go and get a couple of Thai massages. I should have warned her…….Thai massages are not for the weak of heart. Let’s just say that they don’t believe in pain thresholds. Somehow I always seem to fall asleep during them, but they really do pull you in all different directions and simultaneously try to pull your head out of your arse. I’m sure this is probably very good for your body, but it’s like someone just used you as a punching bag afterwards……..the missus wasn’t expecting it.

She told me she almost stopped it to slap the woman and walk out, but decided to live through the pain. It’s worth it, but both of us are a little tender today.

This morning, despite it being Christmas, the construction in front of my apartment complex kicked off at about 6:45 a.m. Ahhh, the soft sounds of snow falling on cedars….my arse…..try a dump truck dropping a ton of sand and a few dogs cackling in the foreground. Peace on earth to all men.

Anyway, a slow get-up and we exchanged our wee presents (a cap on gifts this year, because otherwise we have to transport a load of crap) and pulled the two Christmas crackers the missus brought with her. Here’s me in my Christmas present…

…..appropriate, no?

And then a little daylight tour for the missus of the island. I think she is liking it already!! It is very laid back here. One day in and it appears to me at least that she is already getting over her little amazing race!!

We then joined Scott, Greg and Michael for breakfast at Zest. And Emily dropped by to say hello. Very relaxing start to Christmas.

Here are some of the pics from our chilled out morning thus far:

The missus just got back from her pedicure. We’re off for a wee bit of grocery shopping, maybe some t-shirt shopping and then chill. We are picking up chairs for the Christmas dinner later, then off to see the Swiss crazies who are hosting the dinner……enough blogging for today.
Again……MERRY CHRISTMAS……I’ll pop you all a word in the next day or so…..two dives tomorrow!! Yippee…Christmas dives!!

Oh….some new other pics about to go up online….take a look.

Christmas Hiatus?

Chrisinkohtao may not be blogging over the next couple of days. The missus finally gets here this afternoon (it now being 2:30) and I think she will be shattered. Accordingly I may not make it down to wifi-land this evening to fill you in on daily events. In fact, I may not be on tomorrow either. The likelihood is that I will surface at some point on Boxing Day.

Then I am off to Koh Phanang between Dec. 27 and 30, so if they have internet connectivity, I will try and blog...if not, then Happy New Year!!

Oh, and just in case I don't get on tonight or tomorrow.......MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!

I'm dreaming of a White....Whale-Shark?

It always amazes me how much the locals squeeze onto their mopeds around here. For instance, I just passed a guy riding one-handed with two cockerels squashed under his other arm. And it is not an uncommon sight to see about three people packed onto one moped, all carrying something. Nuts. I have enough trouble balancing myself, let alone a pillion.

Hey, question…any readers out there eye specialists? I am currently having a flickering line appear in my right eye in a multitude of colours….almost like that signal they used to put on the telly when the station had shut down for the night. I have spent the last two hours trying to complete knowledge reviews for the IDC, so I think that’s what kicked it off. Anyway, an Americano later and it seems to be clearing up. What’s with that? Caffeine addiction and feeding the beast seems to have cured the fuzzy blindness. Hmmmm, lack of sleep be a contributing factor it is, methinks (wow, shades of Yoda dancing through my head).

Well, not surprising really. With the missus’ current crap-o-journey to get here, I have been feeling a large amount of stress on her behalf. Didn’t get to sleep until 1 a.m. last night (a few hours keeping the missus company online, then an hour or so of bloody knowledge reviews). Then was awake at 6:30. Went for a run. Hey, you’ll be happy to know that it didn’t feel as though my brains were going to burst through my skull or my heart implode this time. Still hurt like a sonofabitch and I certainly had a nice refreshing sweat shower as I ran, but things are getting better. Well, sort of. Massive pain the arse stitch as I ran, but I managed to do about 30 minutes solid even despite the knife-like thrusting pain in my mid-section. Particularly bad going up those bloody hills over towards Sairee. Stupid hilly island.

Some sit-ups and press-ups at home to continue the pain and then lying on the bed with a full force fan to cool off for half an hour. Ahh what a glorious start to the day. It feels like I got up hours ago….oh wait, I did. Back’s currently screaming like a banshee and I have a couple more afternoon dives (hey, I’s got to keep inching to the 100 mark and anyway, the missus isn’t getting here until tomorrow in any event now), but perhaps a little trip to Phloe massage this evening will ease the burden.

The run and sit-ups, etc. is actually a guilt-reflex. As I was trying to keep the missus company online, I needed a bar with wifi that wouldn’t be shut too early. So, Hippo it was. Veggie burger and then an apple crumble with ice cream to finish. Oops, there goes the waistline, Mr. Fat Bastard. But, damn, that crumble is good. Decadent, but yum.

So now that the missus is on the way (even if it is a five day journey by the time she gets here) I can relate a little more of the shark story from yesterday…..oh, but before I do, despite the crappiness that the missus is currently experiencing, her story has masses of humour and good times in it. So, keep your eyes on this spot……a guest-blog is imminent (once said, guest gets over massive jetlag and sleep deprivation)….anyway, back to the sharks……

Yesterday, we dive Chumpon yet again (no surprise there). The sea was delectably calm for a change. Nice entry and a quick descent (yeah go Célia’s ears) and we were off around the pinnacle. At the bottom of the dive (Noé insists it was the north-east area of the pinnacle, which is strange, because I could have sworn it was the south-west) at a depth that must have been impossible (bloody broken computer recording depths that as a PADI professional without my deep-diving specialty I simply would not go to and thus violate PADI standards) we saw a couple of sharks. At first we believed them to be black-tip reef sharks, but couldn’t quite tell as they only came within about 10 metres or so of us. But then, one looms out of the mist and heads right for me. So fucking cool. A little nerve-fraying, but oddly, not so much as I would have expected. I was simply fascinated. It came within about 4 or 5 feet of me and then switched direction and headed off again (Remora appropriately attached)…..oh, these were definitely black-tipped reef sharks….well, at least the one that came to give me a kiss was. Such bloody majestic creatures. Sure they look mean, but holy crap are they agile. This would be the closest I have been to a shark (although Noé said I was equally as close when one swam within feet of my head a few moments before …. while I was busy looking at the sand).

Did I say this before? If you have not seen Sharkwater, go rent it, download it, whatever and watch it. It is a disgusting crime that mankind is currently committing against the world’s shark populations. I don’t say this as some proselytizing vegetarian, but simply because we are killing off a beautiful species that is also one of the world’s oldest and dangerously altering the eco-systems of the oceans…..mostly to make a soup in China that doesn’t even really use the shark fins that are procured in the millions each month. If you also get a chance, read the most recent issue of The Undersea Journal and you can find out how to donate/help the save the sharks cause. I know I certainly will be doing so. Ok, enough preaching.

We’ll likely head to Chumpon again this afternoon…..I am still earnestly hoping to catch glimpse of a whale-shark…who knows, perhaps today is the day. I have a good feeling right now, so let’s go with gut impressions…….or early Christmas presents…..

Stupid Canadian Winter

Super-pissed for the missus. She got stuck on the plane on the tarmac in Vancouver for 9 hours. Then they cancelled the flight. She is now lying on the floor of the Vancouver airport. We have no idea what time she will now get here. Obviously, all of her connectors are screwed to hell. This also means we just sucked up the cost of the flight from Bangkok to Koh Samui and the ferry that she will miss between Koh Samui and Koh Tao. Shitty.

It also VERY likely means she may not make it here in time for Christmas after all. We thought she was screwed because of a deal closing at work, but then she got everything sorted out in time and made it to the airport (despite getting delayed dropping the pooch off due to a snowstorm). You’d think that’d be enough stress, but no, now she is stuck in Vancouver in the airport and still may not make it here for Christmas. This sucks.

Angry blog. Which definitely mars the fact that a black-tipped reef shark swam within about 4 or 5 feet of me at 30m (100ft) below sea level today. Very cool, now paling into insignificance by the fact that the missus is stranded and we have not ETA. Dammit.

Well, I am sticking online until about 1 a.m. to keep her company if she wakes up. That’d make it 1 in the afternoon in Toronto, so if anyone needs me, I will be here.

Christmas is coming....the missus?....hopefully.....

Ok, I feel bad for Diogo. He came out for the afternoon dives with us yesterday. He assisted Michael on the first deep dive at Chumpon, but then joined Noé and Célia and me for the second shallower dive. He had to work on his mapping project. It started out innocently enough, we helped him with his slate map and all. But, you see, the terrible two’s reputation had preceded them. He turned off Noé’s air and pressed in purge valves. Big mistake. Before you could say supercalafragilisticexpialladocious underwater, Noé had one of Diogo’s fins and was swimming east, Célia had the other and was swimming west and I had his mask headed south. The poor kid was stuck at 12m without half of his gear. But, I thought everyone knows that saying about prodding a hornet’s nest…..no good can come of it. Diogo actually said that he found that part of the dive the best, but I have to think he was putting on a brave face.

Despite the initial attack of the Diogo, we saw so much on the second dive that the mapping kind of went out of the window. In fact we barely moved 10 metres away from the buoy line. Porcupine pufferfish, moray eels, sleeping stingrays, rockfish, boxfish, etc. Good dive. Noé loves to hunt under rocks on the dive. I have to admit, I am learning quite a bit from him on finding neat fish for fun divers. A lot of DM’s simply swim by and hope to spot something, Noé goes and finds things instead. Oh, yeah, no sharks on Chumphon this time, but Célia is finally back in the water and descended without any ear issues, so I was very happy for her. And I saw my first small school of Batfish, they’re pretty cool looking.

Ok, as I type this I am in communication with the missus. It’s going terribly for her. She left yesterday to get over here. She made it to Vancouver despite some severe weather conditions in both Toronto and Vancouver……stayed overnight there and was supposed to be halfway across the Pacific by now. But she is still sitting on the tarmac in Vancouver!! The flight was not only delayed, but once they boarded they have been sitting on the tarmac for over 6 hours!!! I am more than a little concerned. In fact, it seems that she might get here right before Christmas, but her luggage will be delayed. She seems to think I am more concerned about my toaster than her clothes. I mean, yes, of course a little, but hey, I have some heart!! This sucks. Ah well, as long as she gets here we can sort something out. I have become the master at going with the flow while I have been here. Life throws what it wants at you and the best you can do is simply to make the best of what you have. There’s always a solution. So as long as she gets here in one piece, we’ll figure the rest out. At least she is still maintaining a level of humour about the whole situation.

It’s actually kind of retarded. Apparently there are two runways in Vancouver, a short and a long one. The long one is fucked because of ice and snow. So they are using the short one. But the problem is the plane is too big for the short runway and is, accordingly, too heavy to clear the runway in time for lift-off. The solution? Ditch half of the passengers and all of the luggage. So now the missus is sitting in a plane watching them cart off her luggage and a bunch of frazzled passengers so that the plane will be light enough to clear the trees at the end of the runway…..very comforting I am sure.

Of course, Noé, Celia, Tim and Natalie may be a little more disappointed, however, because some of their Christmas presents are in that luggage (hmmmmm, what presents I can hear them ponder…..never you mind, you naughty nuggets, don’t you know tricks are for kids!! You have to wait until Christmas Day before you can open your present, otherwise you get put on the naughty list for next year…..mmmmmm, in this case, you may not get your pressies until New Year’s Eve in any event!! Sort of like a reverse Birthday present from me to you).

Ok, so how gross is this…..as I type this blog there are a multitude of ants paying homage to the lubricating grease on the metal rod connecting the screen to the laptop. Mere centimetres from my fingertips a mess of ants are playing party time around the wifi signal. I just tried blowing them off, but they are tenacious and simply flipped me the bird. I tried gently tapping the laptop to knock them off, but they are just grinning at me in my futile efforts. Arrogant little bastards. Where’s RAID when you need it!!

Which reminds me, another girly squealing moment last night. Open the fridge door and a gecko drops onto my foot. I almost hit the roof. Actually, I kind of prayed it was a gecko. I know they give me the momentary heebies when they land on me, but they are pretty harmless. I am more worried that a spider will jump out on me at some point. Apparently Scott had one land on his bed the other day. It held its front two legs up in a fighting stance!! Scenes of Bubba Hotep dancing through my mind of an aging Elvis facing off against a scarab beetle!!!

James told me a hilarious gecko story yesterday. One landed on his arm recently and then ran up his t-shirt sleeve. He told me he was running around screaming “get it off, get it off”. It ran across his chest and then around to his back. He was running in circles screaming the entire time. It then ran up his back, up onto his head and down onto his face, where he finally managed to flick it clear. Despite the hilarious visual it provided me, I pray a gecko never decides to travel under my clothing!!

Also did a little Christmas shopping this morning. I think Christmas day is going to be quite pleasant! Good people, easy-going times, good food, good times, good times! I think it’ll work wonders for the missus to just chillax.

Oh, and I secured the last Christmas pudding on the island!! An extra little treat for Christmas dinner.

Ooops, look at the time!! Gotta run for the afternoon boat!! Good luck on all of the flights, Hon.

Could it have been that last rum drink?

Don’t you hate those moments when you wake up with what feels like a cracking hangover and yet you really don’t recall having drunk that much the night before? I can attest that I do. I woke up at 6:30 a.m. I’ve only just dragged my arse down to Café del Sol. I feel as rough as the ass-end of a pink-bummed baboon with the poops. I think I maybe had about 5 beers all night. Mind you, there is still the cold lurking around in there, but I decided that the best way to fight such things is to go at it Heather-style and continue to drink through the pain.

Maybe this approach isn’t the best. Tonight I think I will take the wuss approach instead and just take it easy.

I have a fairly easy day as it is today. I am going on two fun dives this afternoon with James, Celia and Diogo. Diogo is the new DMT at Sunshine, a likeable 18-year old Portuguese kid who currently lives in London for school. Likeable until he has to do the swimming and stamina tests. Little bugger. He takes great delight in the fact that he has done all of the stamina tests faster than I have. Apparently his dad is a large fellow, however, so I am taking consolation in the fact that one day, that 18 year old little fuzzball of energy will turn into a ball of lard. Ha, I should keep in touch with him and then get him to do the stamina tests again when he is days shy of 35.

Me, competitive? No, why do you ask? All I know is I scored 18 out of a possible 20 on my stamina skills and damn near killed myself in doing so. I never said I was a strong swimmer, so I’ll stop being defensive now and simply accept that for this sad sack of bones, I did just fine.

So, yar, anyway, Celia, James, Diogo and Chris on a deep dive and then a mellow shallow dive. We’re going to “help” Diogo on his mapping exercise (kudos to the kid…he is trying to complete his DM in two weeks and he is currently bang on target). On the second dive, James, Celia and I have decided that we need to start practicing our skills for the forthcoming IDC (instructor development course). This dive I think we have agreed to work on buoyancy (i.e. hover and fin pivots) and then rescue assessment at the surface. Work, but play at the same time. As I mentioned previously, it is so much more relaxing diving with others who are of a similar skill level. I don’t mean to sound like a condescending prick (although as most of you know, that is one of my middle names), but it relieves so much of the constant attention needed when diving with noobs. Having said that, there are some fun divers that are an absolute pleasure to dive with.

Then there are divers that I would dive with no matter what, even if they are completely inattentive divers simply because they are “my people” and I wouldn’t want them diving with someone else who simply doesn’t give a shit.

Super good news this morning (by the way I am now feeling immensely better after polishing off the mushroom omelette….the extra hour and a half of sleep I dozed off into under the fan also helped …. I needed the omelette, I was going to just have Alpen this morning with my remaining bananas, but after three days of living on top of my fridge, the last few bananas had all gone soft…..and most disgustingly had little white maggots crawling around under the skin…I know, I know, I should have eaten the protein, but hey, even I occasionally have standards….few and far between, sure, but they’re still there), the missus got everything sorted out and is on the plane as I type. Of course, the good old Canadian winter is doing everything it can to prevent an easy road travelled. Apparently there was a bit of a snowstorm in Toronto, which is causing a bit of a mess (especially when she went to drop off my little pup at Uberdog – a very very spoilt dog paradise an hour and a half north of Toronto – basically each dog gets their own “room” with a blanket, a toy and a bowl of water, then they can also share a lounge with the rest of the pack with couches and tellies and they get two two-or-so-hour nature walks a day…..she always comes back pooped, but appears to love it….problem was because of the snow it took the missus almost four hours instead of the little over two that it should have), as well as a storm in Vancouver (where she is headed first). The travel time already means that the missus leaves on Saturday night in Toronto and doesn’t get to Koh Tao until the afternoon of the 23rd. Shit that is a long trip, so let’s hope the weather doesn’t drastically increase it!!

I am deciding to be brave today in my diving. You have been advised of the multiple scrapes and wounds that I have incurred over the last week or so. Well, they aren’t healing over, because they have been under bandaids (plasters to the Brits) to prevent infection. I decided to take off the bandaids this morning to let them dry out. This could be an incredibly bad decision. Saltwater under neoprene on soggy sores? Hmmmmm, but if I don’t they’ll never get better.

Noé and Celia and I were also talking of maybe doing the night dive tonight. I should check in with them to see if that is still on. That’ll make this a slightly longer day, but as long as Noé can stop himself from trying to drown me, it is a somewhat relaxing dive for me these days. The dark calmness that cocoons me within its folds. Occasionally ruptured by a massive barracuda darting out of the liquid black. But still, I love the serenity of a night dive. Hmmmmm, maybe I should convince them if they are wavering on the idea.

The waters have been feeling a bit chilly though in the last couple of days….my computer even logged a temp of 23 degrees two days ago. Brrrrrrr. So, I turned namby-pamby. I have purchased a full-sleeve rash guard to go under my 5mm full-exposure suit. It may seem ridiculous, but at least I don’t come out of the water with chattering teeth and blue lips like some of the guys wearing boardies and a t-shirt or a very worn-down 3mm shortie. I likes my comfort. I almost always have a hoodie on now after a dive. I have turned into a diving princess. C’est la vie.

It being the 21st, I have now made a conscious decision to wear my santa claus hat for any remaining dives I do before Christmas. Yes, I may look like a nob, but at least I will be a festive nob.

Oh, now that I am feeling more human, I can look at this hangovery-state and realize that there is something I am quite concerned about. I still have to do my snorkel-test for completing the DM course. I had hoped it would be before the missus got here. She has had to deal with my drunken arse on too many occasions as it is. It seems that the gods and possibly my fellow diving professionals have conspired against me and that my snorkel test will instead occur while my darling girl is here to witness the depravity.

Oooooooh, nostalgic moment!! Thinking of that for some reason made me think of my last couple of days in Toronto, before I left for this three month hiatus. Tear in my eye thinking of everybody that came out to say goodbye to me at Heather’s. Big heart and big shout to all you gorgeous people. I love you guys. Sigh, friends……good to have…..ok, off to get wet. Be good people, ‘cos Santa still carries coal (fucking neanderthal, doesn’t he know fossil fuels are killing the environment??? Prick…but not so much a prick you don’t bring me my Christmas pressies, k?)

Another Blog Hiatus

Short blog. I am out at the bar. Tomorrow I lie in. So you can guess the story for tonight. And some awesome news. The missus is making the flight on time.

So Christmas is happening.

I’ll try and log on in the morning and fill the blog in somewhat more eloquently.

Goopy Greetings

My second time of bailing on a dive. Another four dive day, another reverse-profile day. Tsk tsk. I was just too knackered by the time the fourth dive rolled around. And, I think I have realized why I ma so knackered and why the massage simply drained me last night. I believe it is two-fold: 1) I have been diving a lot in the last couple of weeks and not getting to sleep until late and then sleeping poorly at that; but, more importantly 2) I have a cold. Who gets a friggin’ cold in the tropics??? Yours truly does anyway. Yesterday and this morning I started getting a bit of an itchy throat while diving and I put it down to having swallowed a little seawater on the fairly choppy surface both yesterday and today. Seawater always make me a little hoarse (think my little pony style). Yesterday I even coughed a few times at depth, but still put it down to having been around smokers non-stop (yep, my lungs will soon look like the ones on those cigarette packages) and swallowing a little seawater.

But today I started coughing A LOT and had quite the mucusy-face post-dive in the water (a little snot under the old mask after a dive is normal, but this was Alien-esque in its mucusiness). Then my throat started getting quite sore this afternoon and I keep sneezing. So my professional medical diagnosis is Chris has a cold. Shite. I still have to log another 15 dives before the IDC starts and I want to take some days off over Christmas!! Providing the Missus can get here in time, we intend on going to Koh Panhang for a few days to get away from it all. So, there are at least three/four days of no-diving there and I don’t want to leave the Missus stranded every day while she is here. Ahhhh the conundrum.

With all of this in mind, I felt quite torn skipping the fourth dive today, but I was chilly, we had been to Chumphon Pinnacle (the deep dive for the island) and the sea was quite rough, so Ii had a wee kip instead. I even had to put on a hoodie because I was felling a tad chilled. In 29 degree weather. Messed up.

I am set to do two more dives in the morning and another skill set in the afternoon (not because I need to, but it is simply good practice for the IDC), but naturally, because I am Mr. Anal-Retentive, I am feeling quite stressed about getting everything in before the IDC. Ridiculous? Perhaps. Chris? Abso-fricking-lutely.

Oh and to cap shit off for the day, there’s another bloody castle party tonight. Mother Truckers. So, a few beers, a few advil and a sleeping tablet. I may miss the boat in the morning.

Oh, oh, oh, saw yet another shark this afternoon at Chumphon at 27m. I am pretty sure it was a white or black-tipped reef shark, but I am not the best shark identifier yet. It was about 5m to my right and swam towards me then whipped away. I shook my noisemaker (no, not my arse, a small tin noise-making thing attached to my BCD) to get James’ attention (we were just out for a fun dive), but by the time I got his attention and he was looking in the right direction, the shark was gone. Bummer. Of course, we told Noé, but he thinks I made it up. Saw the tail end of another shark a few minutes later….again, it could have been the same one, but who knows. Also saw a MASSIVE grouper. This I screamed like a little girl into my regulator, because I led James on the dive and so I was looking back for him to make sure we were together, then turned around. It was right next to me where it hadn’t been a moment ago. Zoiks.

Oh, talking of creatures right next to me, I also had a little girly scream (this one was a lot littler) yesterday morning. I open my door to go to work, turn around and close it and a bloody gecko landed on my shoulder. Of course, I had no idea it was a gecko until it sprang for the wall and scurried off, so the old shit-yourself response kicked in before I could help it. Ahhhhh, who am I kidding? I would have screamed even if I saw it was a gecko and then it landed on me. Manly-man me.

Kind uber-excited about the missus coming over!! A) I get to see the missus; B) I get refills and things I need; and C) I GET A TOASTER!!! ZOMG, peanut butter, jam and nutella toast in the morning…YES!!

Some sad news…..our Christmas dinner has been cancelled, the one that Tim and Natalie were going to host. Some good news……Noé has taken over the mantle and is going to do it at his place. We’re each going to chip in for the cost of it and I have also offered my services as his prep-chef. Ahhhhh-haaaaa, maybe a chance to sneak in some revenge…..any ideas?

Revenge is needed. Yesterday Noé led a French fun diver in the afternoon and I went along with them for company. You already know that Noé is a hazard in the water, well he was in his element. The two of them were talking French topside. I knew they were up to something, I could see by the glint in their eyes.

It starts easily enough. Noé turned off my air before we jumped in the water. So, naturally, I reciprocated and turned his off right before we descended. Kudos to the ambidextrous little bugger, he managed to turn it back on while descending. But, I suppose that declared war. Next thing I know, they are both ganging up on me. The French fun diver is pressing my purge valve and trying to remove my mask, while Noé is trying to remove my fins, inflate my BCD and anything else he could do to make my dive living hell. Of course, I tried to give it a good college try…..at one point I swam clear off with one of his fins, but two against one? No fair. I need an underwater ally!!

I think I may try and recruit Scott. He’s an American DM with us at Sunshine and I think Noé has had some wicked ways with him in the past. At least Scott seemed quite willing to put out a contract on Noé to some open water students this morning, so I believe I may have a convert.

OK. Cold, have a cold and I am off to enjoy some dinner while I can still taste!!

Good luck on closing the deal today, honey, fingers crossed you make the plane.

Sleepy Time, Thai Style

Mr. Williams will not be posting a blog today. It is not due to inebriation, it is purely due to absolute mellowness. Mr. Williams had a very long day at work. He then had a brief repast and two beers regaling rugby stories with an Aussie couple. Mr. Williams then decided to stop off and finally have a Thai massage to ease his wearied body. Accordingly and thus, Mr. Williams is currently a sack of gelatinous goo having been kneaded and manipulated into a messy ball of dough by a very small Thai woman with the strength of 10 men. This posting is simply to advise that a more fullsome report shall follow tomorrow on the provision that Chrisinkohtao isn't pissed to nine hells because it is a Friday night after a very long week. Thank you for your patience, please continue to tune in.

Mmmmmmm Swiss pancakes...

Bonjour. It has been a most pleasant day. Started off with a cracking headache, but things warmed up nicely. The Blue Moon party was thumping until the wee hours of the morning on the other side of the island, but I am not sure if it was that which woke me up or the dogs starting Dog War 6 of the week….whatever it was, I was up at 2:45ish until about 3ish. Made for a shitty start to the day.

But so I had an easy start to the day following that. A bowl of Alpen (oooh look at me embracing the granola lifestyle) with mini bananas. I’m not sure why you can only get stumpy bananas here, they’re kind of odd looking. What was even more freaky is that I think they gave me a minor case of the shits. Went off to town for an hour of internet time (yes, I probably should have done my blog then, because this will be short because I am knackered tonight, but whatever, I managed to get a crapload done on working on my law school application), when all of a sudden a shit-attack gets me. Oh crap!!! Stone, sorry I forgot to warn you. But this one won’t be so graphic, so chillax.

And subsequently all day I have had gas. Nothing like diving to 28 metres and letting one rip. I swear, it actually created an air pocket in my wetsuit!! Every time I moved, I would rise a little in the area that the gas pocket had moved to. I guess this is what dry suit diving is sort of like.

I didn’t have any dives this morning, so it was a relatively slow start to the day. Got to Sunshine in time for the afternoon dives. I helped Noé with some fun divers. Actually quite skilled divers so there wasn’t much to do (the way I keep hoping Heather will be…ahhh I can keep dreaming I guess). What was kind of crazy was that we went on a dive where the bottom depth was 28m and we were down for 46 minutes. Now the recreational limit without the deep diver specialty is 30m. We were diving with three comparatively skinny women. Women, in any event, tend to use less air than men. Noé is also a skinny Swiss guy. So out of everyone likely to suck back on the old air, yep, the newly qualified DM was the most likely candidate. As you consume more air at greater depths deeper dives don’t tend to last that long. Noé was primarily concentrating on the fun divers. So in the end I had to get his attention quite dramatically to let him know I was low on air. How? I simply went straight to a safety stop when I hit about 40 bar of air (you should be back on the boat around 50). I figured the boat boys would be grumpy seeing a tank that low, so I grabbed a bunch of empty dive tanks and made it look like I was simply helping move the tanks back for refilling. That way I could hide my pretty much empty tank in the midst of the rest of them. Tsk Tsk. Fun dive though.

The second dive was very very shallow and we stayed down for 59 minutes. The area we dived is full of fishermen’s refuse. So I took a mesh dive bag and collected all the trash we found along the way….yep, Mr. Environmental over here. Problem was that Noé realized how long we had been down about 55 minutes into the dive and so tried to gun it back to the boat. By which point it felt like I was carrying a half-ton of trash. So I lost him and the fun divers in the haze. One of the fun divers, who I had buddied up with on the first dive, came back, but unfortunately Noé and the other diver were long gone. We surfaced to find Noé about 100m away.

Still, good times. Noé and I messed with each other to the amusement (or was that incredulity I saw in their eyes) of the fun divers, as we tried to grab masks off each other, fins, turn off air, inflate each other’s BCD’s, etc. Ahhh the joys of being cocky DMs.

Anyway, mellowed out when we got back to Sunshine.

Then had dinner at Noé and Celia’s. He really is a good chef. We had some crazy good oat, egg, carrot, garlic and bunch of yummy stuff in a pancake type concoction with white rice and a salsa-esque tomato accompaniment.

I am taking these cats out for Indian over Christmas as my little treat for them. Despite Noé’s continued attempts to assassinate me underwater (he kind of reminds me of Kato in the Pink Panther movies springing from nowhere when I get home), these are good people. I have already offered to present the culinary wonders of Toronto to them if they make it that far across the pond.

I told you about my wounds from yesterday, no? I made a fool of myself to myself on my way for drinks yesterday. Pop home after my foot “shave” to drop off y stuff and spray some manjuice on the pits. Get back down the steepest flight of stairs you’ve ever seen and am about to kick a wheelie outta there on the moped when I realize that the porch light isn’t on. Trying to open the door with a combination padlock in the pitch-black is damn tough. So I run back up the stairs to turn on the light when…..I blow a flip-flop. Don’t quite fall, but I kick the living crap out of the stair with my shin. Crack the skin in three places and bloods-a-flowing. End up getting down to Sunshine after a 25 minute iodine/patch-it-up session.

It actually hurts like a bitch, but I am more embarrassed that I fell “up” a set of stairs. Who does that? Me, I guess. Yes, thank you, thank you very much (shades of Elvis creeping in….talking of which, I have been singing “In The Ghetto” in a Cartman voice for the last four days….seriously, where does that come from…..weird man, weird).

Well, after the dives today, the bandaids I put on are toast and a strange sticky weeping substance is oozing out of my wounds. Yum. Stop licking your lips you bunch of vamps. Let’s just hope it doesn’t get infected.

Anyhoooow, I have to be at Sunshine early tomorrow and before that I have to pick up my gear from Bans and then pick up Noé, so sign off time for me tonight…..

Done Like Dinner!!!!

A potentially bitter-sweet day. Let me start with the best news, I just had a foot scrub where they cut off dead skin. My feet now feel as smooth as a baby’s bum!! Yes, this may again be a step beyond metro-sexual….but damn. 200 baht to have a peel of gross feet ($12). Yes. Thank you.

Ok, so a little white lie, not the best news of the day, the second best news, one which caused me to use my emergency phone card to call the Missus to let her know. I finished my divemaster course this morning. Thus the foot scrub to celebrate. I scored a 5 on my 800 metre snorkel (by the way, I discovered that I scored a 4 for the 400m swim yesterday, making my swimming skills achieve a total of 18 out of a possible 20 – 12 is needed to pass) and knocked off my boat cover while helping Natalie with her open water students. Sweeeeeettttttt.

After that it was just paperwork…..a couple of mugshots for the application, a doctor’s physical for 200 baht to sign off that I am in good shape and then filling in the forms and sending another fee to Put Another Dollar In (also known as PADI – the Professional Association of Dive Instructors).

Oh…..and……some shocking results…..now that I am all official and business like, I had to get a new do to go with the job….so off to the barbers to have my head shorn. My locks are gone. Dramatic changes, from goldilocks to Captain Scuba, Military Man. Nah, it is not for work purposes, it’ll grow back, it is just such a pain in the arse dealing with on a daily basis when I am in the pool, then the ocean, then the pool, etc. So no more conditioner for this hunk o’man while I am in Koh Tao. I think I just lost about five years on my looks too!! Ok, let’s see if this blogger and photo thing works…..a picture of me with my locks, a picture of me with locks that was taken for my PADI card and a picture of me sans locks…..

After the zoosh cut, a quick beer at Sunshine to congratulate me and then down to Mae Haad for the foot scrub. And double score, I also managed to find a new octo clip (my last one split).

Now sitting in Café del Sol and shooting off my blog, as I am expected back at Sunshine for a couple of drinks and some volleyball (having taken the afternoon off from diving). I think I will even splurge the $12 or so for a massage afterwards…..yes, you may think “dirty old man”, but you haven’t seen the women in the place I am thinking of going to. I play volleyball against them (Team Thai-Burma v. Team Pharang with a token Burmese). They’re nice people, but brother, they ain’t lookers. To be honest, after the four dive day yesterday and the dives today along with lumping tanks about the dive boat as part of my diveboat cover, my back is killing me. A massage and some good prescription muscle relaxants (after a few beers no doubt) should do the trick. Relax….I don’t dive again until tomorrow afternoon.

So here’s the bummer news potentially…..the missus is stuck on a deal in T.O. and just let me know (after being woken at 12:30 a.m. to hear about me passing my DM) that there is a chance she will not be able to fly out and arrive on the 23rd. Which just sucks. It means she won’t actually get here until Boxing Day. Which doubly sucks, because we booked a place over on Koh Phanang to chillax a little for three days, starting on the 26th, so that’ll likely be kyboshed too if that happens. She’s hoping to get it dealt with by then, but the threat is there.

This also means my toaster will be delayed. Hey!!! Dammit. I’ve switched from cornflakes at home to muesli….guess I will have to enjoy that and bananas a few days more. Le sigh.

So the beer, foot scrub, garlic bread at Café del Sol (shhhh, my guilty treat…oooooooh, love, that’ll go straight to your hips……oooooooh, pet, shut your mouth) and possibly a massage are not just a treat for finishing my DM but also a feeling sorry for myself treat.

Now I just have to panic about the snorkel test. Ay Caramba. They were hoping the Missus would be here for it. I actually think it may be a good thing if she doesn’t see it. As most of you know she has seen me in a complete drunken stupor a number of times and boy, it ain’t a good thing. I have a feeling it may look worse in a tropical clime where the a/c consists of a fan above the bed. Oh, happy vomitorium, how sweet though are. At least the bathroom is fully hose-downable. Eeeeuuuwww this could get nasty.

Oh shit, I have to go get my laundry!!!

Later kiddies…..tomorrow may be delayed depending on whether I drink a bundle tonight….

Almost Done....

Ok, that was a first! Today I had planned a five-dive day, but for the first time since I started diving, I chose not to dive one of the scheduled dives. Woke up at 5:52 a.m. to a dogfight somewhere below my apartment. So, an early start, but nothing unusual about that. Helped with two open water dives in the morning with Natalie, so a 7 a.m. kick-off for that. It was hard work. There was this Swedish lady and let’s just say she was big-boned. Well, she needed 8 Kg on her belt and then another 2 Kg in her BCD to keep her down. I use 4 and probably could drop another one or two (Stone, you’ll have to help me with that). She was actually incredibly over-weighted, but would constantly panic and so had no buoyancy from her breathing. She would be dragging along the bottom one second, then flying up to the surface the next. Which meant my dive profile for the two morning dives looks like a fairground big dipper. I was above her one second trying to force down hundred of pounds of Swede, then above her a second later grabbing the yoke of her first stage to stop her from crushing the poor hapless coral below.

Who needs bloody gyms, I got my weights workout right there. And I also got my cardio three times today. On both of the open water dives I was having to kick a lot to play bouncy ball with the Swede, then to make sure we didn’t lose the group who were a little ahead. Visibility was back to “shockingly shite”.

Well, that was cardio circuit one. In between the two open water dives I got cardio circuit two. I have already told you how much I have been dreading the 400m swim. Too bad for me that another DMT is doing his around the boat. There was quite a bit of wind today. So much so that we had 3 to 6m waves (yes there were a lot of sea-sick students). Get back on the boat from dive one and a DMT who was doing his boat cover was doing laps around the boat for his 400m. I should have taken a sick-note, but I am so close I just wanted to get it done. So, I volunteered to Natalie to get it out of the way. I t was, pardon the vernacular, fucking brutal. On one side of the ship (the port side if you were facing the prow) I was actually moving quite fast, as the very strong current and waves were going sort of in that direction. “Sort of” because the waves would hit the side of the boat and then drown me on their way back out. So a faster side but quite a lot of sea swallowing.

On the other side (the starboard side if you were following a minute ago), I was equally as screwed, because then I had to swim against the current. That side would take me about three times as long to swim as the port side. And I would still swallow half the flipping ocean. I was a drowned rat when I was finished and feeling particularly ill and salty. Screw seasickness, just drink seawater to feel like shit.

You may remember that I have anticipated only needing a 1 for that skill (out of a maximum 5), but I just wanted to get the pain over with, so I think I scored a little higher. I completed it in 7:39 seconds. I’ll find out tomorrow how many points that is. Personally, I don’t care. Under the circumstances I think I was a fucking champion.

So, then we finish the morning dives, head back to port and have 20 minutes before I am back out for the afternoon dives. And we head to Chumpon Pinnacle. Chumpon is out in the friggin’ ocean a ways. Did I mention the high waves. They didn’t improve further out to sea. In fact they significantly increased. I wasn’t really feeling sea sick, but the stomach of seawater and the bouncing boat certainly didn’t help. Viz was still shit too. But, I had asked Scott and Celia to help me with my mapping project, so we tried mapping Chumpon. One of the deepest dives on the island. Not an easy task with limited viz. On top of which the currents were incredibly tough around the pinnacle today. It was cardio workout three just getting around the bloody rock.

Super cool thing though, I saw my second shark (well, it could have been 2, 3 and 4 because we saw a shark 3 times, but I think it was the same one). Scott spotted it first and we could make out its shape as it swam by. A bull shark. Then I spotted it behind us and we could make it out a little better. Then Celia spotted it glide directly below us at about 5 metres (15 feet)! I could make out its eyes, its fins, it colour variations, everything. So cool. It was Scott’s first shark to boot, so he was super-excited and also a little terrified. Yar, cool shark. It is about to be put on my map for the dive site when I get back to my apartment in half an hour.

So, the second dive was at Twins, a dive I have now done about 10 times. I was knackered, so Celia and Scott went and dived it, while I had a snooze on the boat. The first time I have EVER turned down a dive. Ah well…(we won’t mention the no-no of reverse profiling my dives by having a deep dive after two shallow dives….but the surface interval between them gave me an “A” pressure group [the least amount of nitrogen in your system], so shhhhhh).

Back to shore, a quick and cheap bite to eat at the Coffee Boat (yummy con gin jair food for me – ok, my spelling may be off, but it means Buddhist vegetarian essentially) and then back for a night dive with Noé and Celia. Well, Celia, as Noé ended up leading a fun diver…..hey the kids have to make money, so kudos.

So Celia and I had a nice little night dive…..viz was still a bag o’crap, but we did spot a bunch of MASSIVE barracuda along the bottom, as well as a sleeping triggerfish in a cleft in one of the pinnacles. Night diving is now so relaxing to me. It is like having a massage at the end of a long day. The darkness surrounding you is so soothing.

So, back at Sunshine for 8:45 and left at 9 p.m. Pooped, but dedication to blogging pulled me down to Café Del Sol to try and get this off as fast as possible. This place shuts in 5 minutes, but I think I can make it.
So ….. YES, I almost WIN. I had planned on finishing my divemaster requirements by December 15 (today), but instead I will finish them tomorrow (December 16). Not too shabby, so I am pleased. Plus, this gives me a bit more time for simply having “fun” dives and getting ready by completing my knowledge reviews for the IDC. On top of which I can now hopefully concentrate on finishing my law school application for my doctorate. Sweet.

My missus also gets here very soon and we are off to Koh Panang to a luxury resort for some pure mellow time. Ahhhhhhhhh, sweet mellow time. I am so getting a massage this week to get me ready for that!!

Oh! Something cool, but weird. A guy from the British Isles who is travelling around the world bought a hoodie in Canada. A Roots hoodie. Well he is off to Oz and learnt that “roots” means “fucks” in Australia. So he wanted to get rid of it. I told him he was being crazy. Roots is an institution in Canada. He wasn’t having any of it and gave me a hoodie. Sweet. Free decent clothes.

Also learnt yesterday that you can, in fact, post photos on Blogger. I will have to figure out how to do that.

Man, I am bloody tuckered. Bed for me after mapping.....

So, just to finish, now that I am set to finish my DM tomorrow, this means I have to do my snorkel test (not an official part of the PADI standards). I’ll let you know when my snorkel test is…..the blog the next day will be messy…….

A boring day on the island....

What a boring day. Helped with an open water confined session this morning (i.e. the pool portion) and then I was supposed to go and do a boat cover in the afternoon. If I could have gotten at least one of my remaining swimming skills completed while on the boat (during the surface interval between dives), then I would have been able to finish my DM by my December 15 deadline. Unfortunately that is now to be a pipe dream. I was asked to assist on a rescue course instead for the afternoon (yay another pool session).

So I hang around, but at the last minute I am advised that the instructor has been asked to let another DM assist because he has yet to do a rescue course assist (I did mine last week). So no assist in the afternoon, but it was also too late to get on the boat and do my boat cover. Which also meant that I didn’t get to do the swimming skills.

I did kill one of my DM requirements, however, I did my shop cover. Which is why it turned out to be a boring day. Sat at Sunshine all afternoon listening to Chris Rock and Dane Cook skits on Emily’s laptop, sunbathing and taking strolls down the beach. Now I know that must sound like hell to some of you …..I know some of you are cursing me right now for what must seem to be an easy easy life, but for me it was devastatingly crap. I hate just hanging around. I hate just sunbathing. If I had known I was doing the shop cover I would have bought a book, but as it was kind of last minute, I had nothing, not even my laptop to work on things. So a very boring afternoon. No offence to Emily, I think she was as bored as I was, and I am also grateful for the comedy skits, they at least gave us something to chortle over a little while we sat there glassy eyed.

Today was also a little bit of a sad day. Now Carroll and Regina and Peter have all left. So has Ted (his foot injury overcame him and he has gone to Koh Samui where he will then head to Vancouver). This also coincides with James, Jon and Kate, Greg and Michael all being away for a week or so. Damn, even the Aussie guy I was having beers with left yesterday, so it has gone quite quiet here. It is days like today when I miss home and family (my girls) the most, because there are few people to hang out with.

Last night was a fun, but slightly melancholy night too (damn these bouts of crappy melancholy, who needs that shit anyway). Noé and Celia had Regina, Peter and myself over for dinner. It was supposed to have included James and Scott as well, but Scott moved into Ted’s apartment upon his departure and was thus preoccupied and James left for his visa run/holiday to Kuala Lumpur.

Given the “rustic” cooking environment that Noé had to work with and also given the lack of quality foodstuffs available on the island, Noé did an awesome job. He used to be a chef in Switzerland, so he certainly knows his stuff. Which may end up costing me 500 baht. We had a bet. He bet that an almond is not a nut, but in fact comes from a peach. I said bullshit. Turns out that according to Wikepedia (whoa, wholly reliable source there) the almond is indeed the pit of a fruit, except it is not a peach. He said he looked it up today and that he won the bet. I just looked it up and I think I won the bet. So now I don’t know.

Anyway, very nice meal and thank you very much for hosting Noé and Celia. They also asked me if I can the missus to bring some real maple syrup, so Hon, please, a small bottle would be greatly appreciated. Noé also said he’d make us some yummy crepes and use the maple syrup. Sounds like a good deal to me.

So, given that all I achieved today was the shop cover, I think that the DM course completion will take a few more days. Tomorrow I have five dives (assisting Natalie on an open water ocean dives 1 & 2 and then 2 “fun dives” in the afternoon and a fun night dive too), but I hope to do my mapping project on one of them, so that’ll kill another bird. I also hope to get at least one of my swim skills done in the surface interval in the morning. So I will have one more swim skill to go and a boat cover. I aim to have them done on Tuesday, so one day over (swim skill in the morning and boat cover in the afternoon). I think I will wear my Santa Claus hat for the students to give them a laugh in the morning too.

Oh. Big news. I think I am going to cut my hair. It has been driving me crazy the last few days. And I know that I have been going progressively more metro with it (i.e. conditioner, special curly hair shampoo and special hair “paste”), but I don’t think I can hack it for another month and a half. So I am going to get it shorn and then let it grow again, so that when I am back in T.O. it will start getting back to this length again. Sorry everyone, Captain Curls is gonna be out of action for a couple of months.

Also discovered this evening that Korean BBQ sucks for vegetarians (Natalie and a the open water students we taught today had Korean). I joined them, but alas only for beer.......

Well…that’s it….not much to report today….I’m off to work on my law school stuff and get an early night…..early start tomorrow and long day…..night, peeps…..

Saving the Ocean one dive at a time and cutting the perfect hover

So I learnt a valuable lesson today about the Canadian government. Never tell them the truth. I am still getting money back from them since I left work in July. In order to do so, however, I have to file a report. I told them I am currently training. That opened a slew of questions and now they won’t give me my money back until I talk to them live. Which means in February. Bugger. So all of you dealing with the government, little white lies are ok!!

Good day today. As some of you may be aware from drunken emails (the equivalent of drunk dialling), I got a wee bit tipsy last night. It was Tim and Natalie’s fault, but hey, I am ok with it. I only bought one round of three drinks anyway, so I got drunk for a good cheap price. Anyway, I talked about it in my drunkenness yesterday, so on to today’s frivolities.

Actually woke up at a somewhat decent time of 6:12 a.m. Yep, early, but in my slightly tipsy state, I forgot to put my earplugs in, so yep….a cat farted outside and it was enough to have me up. ‘Twas ok, though, took my time eating my cornflakes and waking up and then popped down to Ban’s to get my regs back from the mouthpiece switch. Look as good as new again!! Yay. I think they want me to maybe pay, but I am keeping my head down. Nat says they shouldn’t charge anyway, so I am going with that.

Today was the diving clean-up of Buddha Rock. You would not believe how much shit lies on the bottom of the bay. No, not real poo, but all the crap that the locals and the fishermen toss overboard rather than disposing of properly. We all meet up (well “all” being 7 of the Sunshine crew) at Sunshine at just after 8. Four of the 7 of us have Santa Claus hats, so it is decided that we all should have Santa Claus hats. So, off I pop on my trusty steed to Autokat. Pick up some more hats. I had to haggle though. They had ones with light up lights for 120 baht and ones without lights, but small Santas stitched to the front. I chose the non-electrical ones as I believed the intention was to dive with said hats on. The little lady behind the counter tries to charge me 160 baht a hat. Not bloody likely. I argue with her and end up paying 50 baht a hat. How’s that for haggling skills?!? I know you are all very very impressed that I got the hats down to just under $2 each!

So, off we go on a longtail (like skinny long speedboats, sort of like you might see in one of the cheesy Roger Moore James Bond movies…what was the one in Hong Kong? The Man with the Golden Gun where they have that big boat chase? I have this image in my head that those were similar to longtails, but I could be completely out to lunch on that, something that seems to be happening with evermore increasing frequency. Longtails are so named because the rotor is at the end of a long pipe that extends far back into the water from the boat and only propels at a relatively shallow depth).

And we went to the SUNSHINE BOAT!!! Yay, our own dive boat is finally back. Although we are still hanging with the Ban’s group for now, because business is still comparatively quiet following the protests in Bangkok and so they are doubling up dive trips. So, it was just the 7 of us on the Sunshine boat and we sink down in three teams with gloves and float bags and mesh bags to collect the junk from the ocean floor. We found a lot, including an engine, a set of old huge metal measuring scales, countless batteries (the amount of damage caused by the battery acid to the surrounding coral is dismayingly massive), a condom in its wrapper, pipes, anchors and lots and lots of fishing nets.

One thing made me sad. Not all of us have a dive knife, but I do on my BCD. James, Scott and I were in one group and James found a net with a live fish caught in it. I started cutting the net to get the fish out. It had been struggling quite a bit and the net was cutting into it. Now most of you know that I am vegetarian for compassionate reasons (yes, I know it give some of you great pleasure to goad me about it too). So I feel really bad for this fish. I cut most of the net away from around it, but my knife is a little too unwieldy to get in really close and cut away the net right around the fish’s head without causing it too much damage. I look around for my dive team and James and Scott are nowhere in sight. We weren’t deep, only 6-7 metres, so I wasn’t worried, so I surface slowly. My bag weighs a bunch from all of the crap I have collected, but I am also carrying a small bit of net with the fish stuck inside it. I see James and Scott at the back of the boat dropping off their loads to go back down. I swim over and ask them if they have a sharper smaller knife and if they feel comfortable in freeing the fish, which I show them. The Burmese guy on the boat is standing on the ladder helping pick up the trash. He hears us and says “I help”, reaches down, takes the fish and throws it onboard and says thank you. So I guess I found dinner for the crew! While I have nothing against feeding the crew, I was a little miffed……it wasn’t exactly my intention, nor was it the reason I spent ten minutes cutting through netting. Le sigh.

Anyway, 50 minutes later, and all of us in scuba gear and Santa Claus hats, we finish. A big haul and there’s still a lot down there. I think it’d take a few resorts and dives every week to start making a massive impact, but hey, we tried to be a little green and help our friend the ocean.

Back on land, a quick bite to eat and I had to lug my gear down to Ban’s on my soaked back and on my moped. This afternoon was the second skill circuit, being led by my mate, but also absolute shit, Tim.

There are two of us for who this is our second skill circuit, a Swedish guy called Albin and myself. The skill circuit consists of the 20 skills that are demonstrated by the instructor in an open water course. You are given a demonstration again and then the DMT’s are expected to mimic the “perfect” demonstration. Each skill demonstration is then given a score between 1 and 5, with a 5 being a slow, confident demonstration where the DMT remembers all of the “critical attributes” that an instructor should show open water students.

I was also doing an equipment exchange with Albin underwater at the culmination of the pool session. This is another skill required to complete the course, whereby two DMT’s share one regulator and buddy-breathe (one DMT takes two breaths, then passes his/her reg to the other DMT who takes two breaths and passes it back to the first DMT for two breaths, etc.). During this buddy breathing, the DMT’s then have to exchange all of their equipment underwater with the exception of wetsuits. Albin and I did it in a very quick and calm manner that even impressed Captain Critical, Tim.

I scored a 92% on the skill circuit too, which, when being judged by Tim, is apparently a very good score. He ordinarily gives quite a bit lower. Of course, he was also a bit of a poop during the skill circuit…..making me crack up with laughter in the middle of my fin pivots and thus wrecking my perfect balanced-breathing. Little shit. But my God!!! I pulled off the PERFECT hover, something I have perennially had trouble with. Basically, you inflate your BCD a little and then using your breathing (short shallow breaths) rise from the ocean/pool floor and hover in one spot.

Anyway, despite Tim’s laughter at my expense, I quite enjoyed the skill circuit. I’ll be doing another in two weeks with my soon-to-be-fellow IDC’er James, because its good practice for the IDC course (where the ability to demonstrate the skills is much more harshly critiqued than at the DMT level……which makes sense as I will have to teach these skills to noob divers).

So, now I am even closer to completion. Tomorrow I am helping Natalie with some open water students in the morning, then I am doing a divemaster as boatmaster cover (essentially shadowing and assisting a certified divemaster who is on a dive boat and makes sure that everything runs smoothly for the divers) in the afternoon. While out there I will be doing my 800m snorkel and 400m swim. All that will be left officially after that is a shop cover (can you guess what that is based on “boat cover”?) and I have to map a dive site and I am done!! Two or so days!!!

Although unofficially, there is also my “snorkel test”. Tim had better not be saving up his pubes.

Hey, question for my friendly readers……my hair is getting to be a pain in the arse….shave it all off or not??????

Off now to dinner at Noé and Celia’s….they are making dinner for all of the green Sunshiners who assisted in this morning’s clean-up. I may be back on later if it ends early enough, but chances are slim…..particularly because I have to be at work for 7:30 a.m…….