Up and At 'Em

Dawn comes early in Koh Tao. 5:42 a.m. to be precise. It starts traditionally enough. A chorus line of roosters announces that dawn’s pearly light has graced some far distant horizon. Shortly thereafter the roosters are joined by one of the most grating and irritating noises I think I have yet to hear. Some weird insect-bird-Frankenstein’s monster of a creature starts a cacophony seemingly on my windowsill. A sound something of a cross between Donald Duck on crack and a handheld Scaletrix remote trigger control, circa 1978. Let’s call this new creature Donald Redux. Now, I am a nature lover and animal defender on all fronts, indeed, a vegetarian on conscientious grounds, but Donald Redux is pissing me off so much with that bloody buzzing whine that I am sorely tempted to get out of bed and hunt the bugger down. If I knew what it was, where it was and where the hell I am.

I should explain. I just arrived in Koh Tao last night at about 5 p.m. after approximately two days of travelling. Unless you are family or friend, you’ll have no clue where I am coming from. I was a lawyer in Toronto, Ontario. Having become completely disenchanted with the practice of law in general, I quit in July. My friend, former scuba instructor and now business partner, Peter and I are planning on starting a scuba-training business in Toronto in the early part of next year. To be on an even footing with Peter, I have left comfort of hearth and home in Toronto to live in Koh Tao for three months. While I am here I will be completing further dive certifications to reach Peter’s instructor level. That way we can equally share the teaching burden we hope comes with our new business.

Back to the story. I’m pretty knackered. It’s shortly before 6 in the morning. I’m not quite sure if it is Friday or Saturday (I eventually discover it is in fact Saturday), due to the fact that I lost track of date and time differentials on the journey here. I won’t bore you with the details of the journey itself, most of you have likely travelled and know how exhausting it can be. Besides, how many of you will have much sympathy for someone who splurged on points and flew the majority of the way in a pod getting slowly soused somewhere over the pacific.

Having said that, I think some sympathy should at least be forthcoming for the ferry ride from Koh Samui to Koh Tao yesterday. I will spare you the more finer details, but let’s just say that it didn’t seem a stellar idea for the crew to hand out clear plastic carrier bags as puke-bags for the passengers. Particularly when we travelled VERY rough seas on a wildly pitching catamaran whose engine broke down half-way across. Suffice it to say that I was quite proud of myself for not up-chucking while surrounded by 2/3’s of the passengers quite readily displaying their lunches in see-through bags.

Anyway, so, it’s 5:43 and the roosters and Donald Redux are having at it. They’re quickly joined by the birds, who in their multitudinous and slightly more melodic tones have also realized it’s time to wake up. Not to be outdone, the neighbourhood dogs join in, all 15000 that seem to live a short stone’s throw from my new apartment, Chez Chris. To round it off, scant seconds later a hundred or so mopeds start put-putting along the main road down the very short lane. To be fair, there is only one main road in Koh Tao, so it’s not like they have much option. Oh, and let’s not forget the guy who could be anywhere up to a mile away, who is so happy that he lived through the night to see another morn that he is glad to announce it to the world. A rousing start to the day. I look over at the alarm clock. It’s 5:56 a.m. Time to get up I suppose.

I enjoy what can only be called a “brisk” shower right around 6. Brisk because the hot water won’t arrive until mid-day tomorrow. Even if this is a luxury villa. Luxury, I suppose is a relative term. One man’s luxury pad is another man’s shitcan. Not that this is particularly a shitcan (I believe that definition is more apt for that hotel I almost stayed at in London, England, with grease hand-prints just above the headboard and an ominous stain on the mattress), but let’s just say that a Redroof Inn in upstates New York would be considered five-star in comparison.

I suppose it’s all a matter of adjustment and that I’ll think of my friends in Toronto as pampered in short order. Let’s just hope it’s very short order. Right now all I know is that I am freezing my tail off having my morning shower. Even Timmy my todger decides a receder is required for this bracing hello to the day.

It’s now 6:15. I walk and am in town by 6:24. Not a lot going on at this point in the main drag of Koh Tao. I sit on the beach and watch two of the million dogs on the island play. Nothing opens until 7:3o. As soon as The Safety Stop opens its doors I am in and ordering breakfast. The “veggie breakfast”. Where else would they serve spicy yam and veggies this early in the day.

It being my first full day here, I decide to rent a moped. I’ve never ridden one before. So shortly after brekkie I am off to see a man in lederhosen about a horse. A metallic one. A fully automatic metallic one. Apparently it is embarrassing to ride a fully automatic moped. I have no shame. I also travel the island at a leisurely 20 km/hour. It takes 7 minutes to get to the dive shop from the town. I suppose if I had the “cooler” semi-automatic it would take 6, but I can live with that.

And then I am thrown in the deep end. My first day of turning up at the dive shop and I spend almost four hours in the pool learning how to teach skills. Zoink, that’s a lot. A shattering day and I finish at around 7. A couple of pints and I am ready for bed……